Shyam (Caregiver) A person who never gave up.

How it started- 

In 2009, I returned to Delhi from Mumbai after ordering some machines for my business. I got a big project and these machines would benefit me alot financially. I was super happy. When I came home, I found out that my wife has 104 degrees celsius fever.  I took her to the hospital and got her tested. Doctor asked us to do  the colonoscopy.   While doing the colonoscopy the Doctor gave me a hint that it might be cancer.So I was mentally prepared for the results.  Doctor further said that the reports will take 5 days to arrive. Meanwhile in those 5 days I researched a lot on the internet. After 5 days the reports came positive for cancer. 

How my family reacted-

It was me who got to know about it first. I  didn’t tell my wife about it. My children were pretty grown up, so I told them about it.  My son and daughters started crying but I handled them pretty well and told them there is no point in crying. I  was strong myself and kept everyone around me strong. I knew that I should provide care and so I did. Both of my daughters were having jobs but they still managed to provide help. Almost everyone around me was mature enough to handle the situation. I finally told her about the situation and she was positive.

Treatment process- 

Her condition was not good because of the blockage. She was facing many issues. So, I got her admitted in Ganga Ram hospital, New Delhi. 

In July 2009, the doctors wanted to operate on her and the operation was successful. Then the chemotherapy process started. In the middle of chemotherapy treatment when everything was going well the cancer re-appeared. 

In 2010, when the  cancer reappeared again we got her admitted in Delhi. We got her operated again but this time the Operation didn’t go well as expected. I then took her to a different hospital where the doctors suggested Radiology. I agreed to it and for the next one month, she went through the process of radiology. Radiology did help her alot in recovery. 

Daughter’s Marriage- 

In the meantime, both of my daughters got married. For the next six months, we completely forgot about the cancer and all the problems. We both enjoyed the wedding. It was a big fat north indian wedding. Everything went well.

Re-surface of cancer- 

In December, she started vomiting. We got her CT scan done and the reports showed that the cancer has spread to her whole body. We were terrified but still we didn’t lose any hope. Even the doctors said that they have to remove a part of her intestine for her survival. I agreed as I wanted her as long as she can comfortably. 

For a complete span of 12-13 months the cancer didn’t recur. She was all okay and normal. But in June 2012, the cancer recurred. The doctors were confused about the happenings. The doctors removed her colon yet she was having cancer. The whole thing made doctors curious. 

They again took her for surgery and got the tumor removed. But after a span of 2-3 months the tumor started to reappear. This time doctors gave up. They were left with no option. They asked me to take her home as they were not able to do anything.

Son’s marriage

After some time, the marriage of our son took place. when they went for their honeymoon, the tumor burst in her stomach. She couldn’t move from her bed, so we kept some nurses for her. She was so weak that she couldn’t even hold a glass of water in her hand. Her condition got worse so I contacted the doctor and even thought of taking her to the hospital. We took her to the hospital and the doctors operated on her one last time. That also was not successful. One fine day she looked at me, and we smiled. and closed her eyes. Thus she passed away in peace. 

People’s Suggestions- 

Many people told us to choose ayurveda, and  hompethy for treatment. We were so desperate that we went for it. We also went to a baba who proclaimed that he can cure cancer in three months. After talking to him we got to know that he is a fraud. I then thought of going for ayurvedic medicine but after the incident with Baba I decided to go with allopathy treatment only.

Side effects  

After the chemo, she started having hair loss and lost a lot of hair. She used to get glucose infusion because of her body weakness. She used to vomit. All this led to changes in her body. But she was a strong lady. She never gave up. She kept herself strong throughout the treatment. 

As a caregiver

I was with her throughout the journey from 2009 to 2012. I promised to be with her throughout and I was always there. I never missed a single appointment or treatment. I took her for chemotherapy every single time. I bought the machine to start a new  business which was in Bihar. I left it for her  and stayed with her in Delhi. My son was taking care of my work in Bihar.

I handed over all my work to my son. All the factories were seen by him. I was taking care of her. I didn’t want her to feel like she is alone at any point when she needs me and I am not with her. Even when she was in hospital I used to stay there and look after her. We used to smile whenever we used to look at each other. 

I gave all my time and love to her in those 4 years. Although we were married for 26 years, we could not love each other properly as we were busy with our lives, children and business. Cancer made us realise our lives. She was worried  about her treatment expenditure but we never made her realise the struggles. 

I managed everything: the operations, treatment expenditure, marriage, factory and the house. By God’s grace I was financially stable but there was a point when I took the help of my brother for the injections because one injection would cost 1.5 lakhs.

About Her

She was a positive lady. On her last breath she looked at me, smiled and closed her eyes. This is my favorite memory with her which I can never forget. 

She was 50 when she got admitted and after 4 years of treatment she left me. And now it’s been 8-9 years. Since then, I have been distributing food to all the orphan children and spending time with them on her birthday. 

After changes

I started meditating and became more compassionate towards life. Every year on her birthday I go to a children’s orphanage and distribute food and spend some time with them. I have even changed my view towards life. I have become very compassionate towards life and now I know how to handle things and situations carefully and intelligently. 

 Genetic

After she passed away. They got to know that her mother, her mother’s father and brother had colon cancer. This was genetic and runs in the family. This was the reason even though the colon got out of her body she was not recovering. 

Lessons learned

All this led me to realise one thing that we should enjoy the moment we live with the person in the present. We do have our plans but we don’t know what God has written for us.She is at peace now and happy.

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